Rewiring from failure to success

Last week I was musing about the different ways we can consciously and subconsciously set ourselves up to fail:

By lowering or minimising our expectations of ourselves, which becomes self-fulfilling.

By sabotaging our own plans and thoughts by being overpowered by the negative voices in our heads.

By being unable to take action in the first place because the plan or outcome can never attain our perfect ideals.

Which do you most connect with?

All of them, to a greater or lesser extent if you are anything like me. And everyone else on the planet….

In my work as a life coach, I come across these mindsets frequently. But – and this is important so I will say it loudly:

It doesn’t have to always be like this. Things can change. YOU can change.

A wonderful client came to me a while back, chained by negative mindsets and inner destructive tapes. She wrote me a gorgeous thank you card, and in it she said:

I remember asking in my first session if this [breaking free and re-wiring her brain] could really work and I’m so happy that it really truly has!”

So too for you.

How though, I hear you ask.

Many of these reactions and expectations of ourselves are subconscious, and thoughts are formed in a fraction of a second. The trick is to be proactive about taking charge of what is happening in your head.

Firstly, learn to step back and pay attention to what is going on.

• What is my reaction here? WHY am I reacting like this?
• What am I feeling and what do those feelings point to?
• Whose voices am I listening to? Might be your own, or that of someone else.
• What am I inclined to believe about myself here?
• Have I been down this route before? And if so, how did that serve me?

Next step is to look at the facts.

• What do I know to be true here? My feelings may be telling me this, but is this actually true? When I look at this calmly and objectively, what is the reality of this situation?
• Who do I know myself to be?
• Who do others that I trust say that I am?
• Where in the past have I had a reaction or experience like this – where is there evidence that I have come through this before successfully, or that I am not a failure? Evidence that that internal voice I am listening to is not true?

Third step is to recognise that you can start to set up a different pathway

• To see that you don’t have to go down this pathway – you can create a new one.
• To see the objective truth of my current reality, and know that I am the only one who can make a difference to my own internal world, and take responsibility for what I need to do more or less of.
• To replace the negative with the positive – to choose to believe in who you are and what you CAN do.
• To recognise that just because I messed up yesterday, does not mean I will mess up today. I can start today afresh. Equally, just because I messed up in one thing I did does not make me a total failure. I am not perfect, and that is OK.
• To make one small imperfect step forwards, seeing that step for exactly what it is: one step and one step only. It is not all-or-nothing, nor is it the perfect solution. It is one step, which can then be followed by another. And another.

You know, the thing that gets me about all of these negative approaches or mindsets? What they all have in common?

They take up so much time and energy.

So much head space occupied by negative, self-defeating thoughts. Space and energy that could instead be used for our own self-development and indeed the greater good.

There is a wonderful coaching principle called The One Degree Principle. Imagine a plane set on auto pilot from Glasgow to New York, a flight distance of approximately 5,100 Km. Shift the auto pilot on that plane by only one degree, but over that distance, the end destination will be totally different.

So too with us.

A tiny step change each day can seem so utterly inconsequential when dealing with difficult or entrenched situations, as to be not worth bothering about. Those negative voices again.

But one small change each day over time will bring you to a completely different outcome. And therein lies it’s power. Each day, a new day and a new opportunity to make that one small change.

Of course, this is much easier said than done and takes commitment, effort and time.

But the results?

Freedom from negativity, greater self belief,

positive action on your dreams and goals, confidence in bucket loads.

To name but a few.

Want to live in freedom and success, rather than trapped in fear of failure?

Get in touch – we can do this together.